unconventional praise

6247-cream-color-flowersIn chapter 19,  Job blatantly blames God for all the calamity that has befallen him. Can you imagine the rebuke you would get from well meaning Christian friends if you began this dirge against God, Job’s three friends proved my point. But God doesn’t rebuke Job, rather he reveals truth to him. And, while Job acknowledges God as the one responsible for his hardships, Job does something else,  He acknowledges God. Job’s unwritten words are a confession of God’s mastery over all things. Only God has the power to afflict and only God has the power to redeem. Within Job’s blame we hear his farsighted anticipation of the cross. Job lays his dis-ease and sicknesses on the all-powerful One. the condition of his soul and the sorrow in his existence is placed on the back of his redeemer.  Job inadvertently proclaims God’s absolute ability and strength to take all the accusation and consequences of sin upon himself offering redemption in its place.

the bible says, this Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4

Job declares with confidence that God has walled up my way, therefore the unspoken confession is that God is able to open the way. God puts darkness on my path,  the unspoken confession is God gives light to the path, God has stripped my honor, and only God can restore it. Like a captain, God alone has the authority to do strip honor or grant honor in it’s place. In all Job’s complaints against the holy one, Job is actually declaring the authority of the Holy One.  In verse twenty three, Job brings his grievances against God full circle when he says with perfect vision : I know my redeemer lives, why? Because his redeemer has brought this forth all these things, therefore he must be ALIVE. His declaration of God’s past power leads him to see God’s future power. He acknowledges both the crushing hand of God as well as the all encompassing might of his redeemer. Sometimes its hard to see one without the other.

“Come, let us return to the LORD. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. Hosea 6:1

We often feel guilty for blaming God. Are there times you have felt a cold stare or cutting words like a slap on the wrist for not speaking praise and glorifying words about God?  Do we really think God is offended when we blame and hold him responsible? Do we really believe he can’t handle our verbal vomit and griefs? He came for that purpose! God is not a fragile flower, He is a strong tower! King David made his living recording his complaints to and often against God, and yet the psalms are a thorough revelation of God’s character in the midst of a troubled heart.  Is it possible that in our complaints against God we actually exalt him and prove his might? Is it possible that his judgments against us,  actually make him known to us.

Hashem became known through the judgments He executed. Psalm 9:17

After all, at the end it was Job, with all his complaints and accusations,  that spoke “what was right and proper about God.” Perhaps in the future we should be more honest about how we see God, it might be the most effective praise in the moment of suffering, leading us to the greatest revelation of our redeemer.

 

As Stone Prepared : How God pulls broken dirty things from the earth and makes them beautiful

2881238-solomon-s-temple-0This is a picture of King Solomon’s temple, the place where God’s very presence dwelt.  It’s hard to believe that someday there will be a holy place far beyond this glory, and any ever built on earth. Revelation 21 describes it:  “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, and I saw the holy city coming down out of heaven from God made ready like a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice saying, behold the tabernacle of God is among men and he shall dwell among men… he showed me the holy city Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God having the glory of God. Her brilliance like a very costly stone, as a stone of crystal clear jasper.” But that is not now.

now, we live in a quarry, a deep filthy pit,  the earth and mankind are the stones being prepared for the kingdom of God.

“the house was being built with stones prepared at the quarry” I king 6:7&12.

This verse reminds me that he doesn’t take us from earth and prepare us in the heaven, no he excavates and prepares us all in one place, and then brings us to heaven. Because he is simultaneously preparing heaven for his children and with children.

We can look at Solomon’s temple as a physical representation of a spiritual lesson. This earth is the quarry where people are found, prepared and presented to the father like bricks in his kingdom. stones-of-croatia-kamen-pazin-uk-kirmenjak-quarry-limestone-16

I Peter 2:5 says, you also as living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, for a holy priesthood and Christ a precious cornerstone.

The house of God is made up of his people. The people of God become the holy city, prepared here and brought there. Just as the stones from the quarry were prepared in the quarry and brought to the building site where Solomon was preparing the temple of the Lord. The temple was built in order to be a place where God’s people could meet with and worship the Living God.

Many of us have spent our lives buried in deep, dark, places of the earth unseen uncelebrated and spent. Alicia Britt Chole, author of Anonymous,  calls these, hidden places. If this is true there’s not much we can do but wait until God appoints our extraction. Christ is the one who finds us and the holy spirit works to bring us forth blameless to the Father. The bible says we didn’t choose him but he chose us, He first loved us, He calls us, he changes us. Even so he says to Israel, I chose you and appointed you a light to the nations. The Lord who made also us finds us, not when we are alive but when we are dead. when we are dead in our sin and buried beneath the weight of our filth and flesh,  Jesus goes to work making us new, bringing us to life. When he finds us we look pretty rough, who could recognize our value but the one who made us. who could know that removing all the earth would reveal splendor and brilliance, like a bride adorned. The foundation of the house even though it is beneath is still glorious, even more so perhaps since it has suffered the most , it shines the brightest. It takes time to prepare stones for the house of God with such beauty. and even though we may just be a simple stone in the wall of the holy city, each servant must go through a rigorous process to reveal the beautiful newness of our nature.

I have a friend who refinishes old furniture. Her basement is full of old windows, doors, broken glass and other found items. She explained, as she walked me through her home all her beloved pieces. She pointed out all the things other people were throwing away. All the things she found on the side of the road that no one else wanted, old stained, weathered and worn out. But she wanted them she saw something special and precious and priceless in each and every piece. My friend goes to great lengths to rescue these rejected fragments, and give them a home, some are still waiting for her touch, some are in process and others have been fully restored, but she knows each one and she sees their future. Furniture placed in the light with an artist’s loving touch changes the worth of each piece from unwanted to highly prized in her eyes. As we walked she would point to a chair, my neighbor was throwing that one out, or a chest of drawers, I refinished this one with my daughter, she brought me into her dining room where there was a long wooden table, this was on the side of the road. She knew and remembered each piece like they were her children. and all of them together made her home like a stained-glass window with bits and pieces of different colors all coming to life as she spoke. She remembered how she found each one, where she found it and why she loved them. I can’t help but determine that she is being Christ like in her work, because that is exactly what Christ does with us. He finds us in a state that no one wants us with all our blemishes and scratches that sin has left. We often are in a state of uselessness, brokenness, and death, disdained by the world, waiting to be picked up by the garbage truck and crushed into forgetfulness. But Christ sees something in us and he reaches down and pulls us to his side, he brings us home and makes us part of his home, he uses us like Solomon’s builders used the stone to make the house of God. I love the picture of Immanuel walking the earth for the very purpose of seeking that which is lost for the very purpose to restore and refurnish.

Some of us are in the quarry right now. It’s hard being hidden, unseen, alone in the dark, unknown, unwanted because we are covered in dirt. Doubt, discouragement, anger and disappointment only add to the state of our condition like rain on a wooden surface.
Has God forgotten? Hebrew 10:6

A master builder and skilled craftsman never forget valuable assets, neither does he replace them, but repairs them. Isaiah 49:16 16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me..

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When we are hidden away for a long time, or sitting on the side of the road, overlooked and under loved, when we are encrusted with sin and it hides the beauty of God’s image in us. do not forget that God doesn’t love based on what we are but what he can make us to be. He loved us when we were nothing special. We need to focus on him the artist rather than us the finished product.. Jesus finds us dirty and makes us clean, rather than purchasing us when we are clean and discarding us when we get old. if he takes us to himself when we are broken we have the hope that he will never leave us or forsake us because he took us in at our worst. And if he could transform us once he can do it again and again and again, until our very existence reflects his perfect image.

a stone is tormented as it is being prepared in the quarry for the house of God. Faith is not a life of ease and comfort. The true Christ centered life is a life of suffering. Waiting to be found, chiseled out, hammered and brushed with heavy wire brushes and picked at, to get every speck of dirt and encrusted rock out. It hurts as God removes the sin in our hearts, either the sin we commit or the sin that so has stained us. Gemstone Mining is awfully sophisticated and deadly process that requires enormous input of precious resources such as time, workforce, equipment’s and expertise etc. There are different techniques for recovering the gemstone from the earth. In order to achieve optimistic results, the primary requirement of this procedure is to recognize the gemstone deposits; Specifically, sawing, grinding, sanding, lapping, polishing, grilling, and tumbling. Heat and radiation is frequently used to alter or improve gemstone colors.

And all this happens here on earth, in the dust, because that is where we are born. But not where we stay.

In the end when God’s house is completed and he enters in and his light shines through all the precious stones which line the walls of his dwelling we will then behold his likeness and see what he saw when he first loved us.

Just remember what we are being restored for!

and the  street of the city was pure Gold, like transparent glass. and I saw no temple in it for the Lord God, the Almighty and the Lamb are it temple and the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine upon it for the  glory of God has illumined it, and it lamp is the Lamb. Revelation 21:22

The First Betrayal

53cada74b373117ebf3066a565411219Long before a cross, or the sound of a rooster crowing. Disloyalty entered the world. It was not in a dark and shallow place, but a  beautiful garden where death began its first plea.  Betrayal was defined in this moment. God entrusted everything to his children; the whole earth was within their power and dominion. He gave a precious gift to the ones He made uniquely in his own image and likeness. How deep his love and favor reached for Adam and Eve, how deep the pain of that very first betrayal must have cut.

God’s daughter was approached by the enemy of God. The serpent came seeking information.  Where is that tree? The serpent was crafting a rebellion, a plan to ruin God’s family. He needed an inside voice, one who would naively give him the necessary weapons and a clear shot at the Father of Creation.

He was indeed crafty. “did God really say, you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?” Eve easily delivered over what the serpent needed to destroy the human race. “it’s in the middle of the garden.” Through this dark betrayal,  sin entered and like a plague, began to corrupt the earth, creating a canyon between God and his children.

How could the world be renewed, how could heaven be re-entered – how does man return from that sort of unfaithfulness?

Did The Father turn his face away, when he heard his only child cry out, “My God , My God why have you forsaken me?” perhaps,  but then his response, “I will never leave you or forsake you”, and reached down and pulled Jesus from the garden tomb, and death had it’s last word, the tree of life re-appeared, power and dominion handed back over to the one who was willing to be betrayed into the hands of the enemy by his loving Father, in order to retrieve what the enemy had stolen; that through him all could be restored, redeemed and returned to the first Glory.

 

The New Sanctuary: placing our hope in God alone.

He is RisenPsalm 74 “O God, why hast thou rejected us forever; why does Thy anger smoke against us. The enemy has damaged everything within Thy Sanctuary…

The psalmist has lost something he dearly loves. I can’t help but wonder was Asaph the Psalmist, a servant in the temple, was this his livelihood, the priests had no other portion, was this his residence? We know it was his place of worship and fellowship? He laments deeply of all he has lost, the sanctuary, the meeting place, the dwelling of God. And not only physical loss, but the emotional, spiritual and relational change that occurred was clearly grave. Perhaps he feels he has lost the favor of God, the signs God promised, the very words of God which would be read and taught there is the sanctuary and kept in the Most Holy Place. What is left for him, for his people, but sorrow and despair. His eyes seem to be fixated on the world he knew before the destruction of the temple, likely recalling the joyful celebration of the feasts and peace he had known there. Like Job before him he is overcome by all the sadness and damage he sees around him, before him, everything has disappeared from his hands. His eyes are assessing the damage of his beloved life and house of God. Everything Lost.
The house of God was the center of life to Israel, today we might feel the same grief over losing our community, our homes, our jobs or our families. Listen to this language: “Perpetual ruins, it seems as if an axe in a forest of trees has carved its work. They smash with hatchet and hammer, they have burned thy sanctuary to the ground, defiled the dwelling place of Thy name.” These are strong word pictures, certainly experiences many can relate to. He describes the temple as being burned to the ground. What’s burned to the ground cannot rise but would be considered completely and utterly dead never to return to its former glory.
Then suddenly in the midst of all his despair, meaning long before the temple was rebuilt, while he was mourning, and perhaps as a catalyst to hope – Asaph shifts his focus from loss to life – “yet…God is my King from of old.” Its as if the psalmist remembers, God is His King, and God cannot be destroyed. The building lying in a heap of ashes is not his king, not even the hope of another building, nor the sanctuary or the work is sovereign, but God is his King. For God alone delivered his people before, long before the temple was ever even a twinkle in Israel’s eye. God, in verse 12, “works deliverance, God breaks the heads of the sea monsters and crushes the head of leviathan God fed the people in the wilderness, God parts the red sea, open the springs, he owns the day and night, he establishes all the boundaries on earth.” It’s as if Asaph awakens out of a slumber of sorrow, in the midst of his sorrow, being shaken awake. What can the sanctuary do for us that God cannot?
The Psalmist recounts all of God’s power and victories towards Israel. His appeals are transformed from “why has God spurned us to Lord remember us!” “Consider thy covenant, do not forget the afflicted forever.” In essence Asaph, shifts his focus from the sanctuary to God. From ‘fix the temple’ to ‘fix us’.
This simple shift makes the difference between despair and loss to hope and freedom.
I think we all have a tendency to set our eyes on what we once had, what was lost, the way God used to connect, the job we used to have, the life we once lived the relationship we were in. We lament over the cost, but even in the midst of our despair God is doing something new, something wonderful, and had the old sanctuary remained standing, there may never have be opportunity for the new one to be filled.
Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? 1 Corinthians 3:16 this is the new that all Israel had to look forward to, not a temple made with hands.
Our lives can experience destruction and loss and demise but our God and King never can, the grave could not hold him. Death and destruction had no victory over him, Yet, the power of God raised him. The same power that split the red sea and reminded Asaph his hope was not in the sanctuary, but God alone.

The Proper Response

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Moses and Zipporah are traveling to Egypt. An angel of the Lord suddenly appears seeking to kill Moses.  Moses? Moses was the Lord’s anointed, chosen, the beautiful child – set apart for God’s purposes and not just a purpose but he was chosen to lead one of the biggest events in biblical history, and God is seeking to kill him? What’s wrong with this picture? Or is there anything wrong with it? Did God, the Almighty do less to his very own beloved Son. God sought to kill his own son, preparing him for that very purpose. We have preconceived – self invented imaginations of words like ‘death’ and ‘God’. We define who we think God ought to look like…Santa Claus and Mother Theresa. We have determined what someone who is “good” does and does not do, then there’s the truth…The One True God has holy good reasons for everything He does, and sometimes it takes time for a reason to surface. He sees the end , we don’t. It is our job to search out the matter, not question God’s integrity. Let Jesus assure you, the One who was put to death, “there is only One who is good”, God the Father.

Have you ever felt like there is a warrant out on your life? Maybe there is! Is it safe to  adjust our thinking to believe that? Even though Jesus has died for our sins and absorbed the wrath of God in the final judgement , we still have this life and earth to suffer the consequences of sin and sinful behaviors. “There is a sin leading to death.” (I john 5:17) In that moment when you feel fearful of an encounter with God, Is it your Job to question God’s character and intentions, or to simply act? Christ’s death hasn’t changed God’s expectations for us, but our status before Him. He still expects obedience and righteousness, however his final judgement is based on Christ’s obedience. Thankfully!  Questioning God’s character in that moment when God is telling us to obey, is not the proper response, it is a wild goose chase. Maybe there is a good reason your life is at risk. Maybe there is a purpose affliction has hit, perhaps the best response in those moments are repentance through actions.  John the Baptists told the Pharisees to bring forth fruit in keeping with repentance. Repentance has a substance, evidence to it, it’s not just a word spoken. Its a change of direction. Moses traveled with someone who was able to see this and willing to act swiftly. Zipporah knew immediately what the problem was and she responded.  The Angel sent to kill Moses was a warning and the mercy of God. He gave Moses a second chance. Moses needed to repent, and I don’t mean he needed to say sorry, confess his sins and ask forgiveness , but quickly remedy his wrong with physical exploits. His prayers needed to look like work. How often do we look at something “bad” like, someone trying to kill us, as mercy? Maybe we should start seeing our afflictions as a warning from God to turn around and mercy that he gives us warning rather than immediate death.

What was the sin? Moses had not circumcised his son, as the Lord commanded Abraham and all Abraham’s seed.  Moses was moving into slave territory, sinful domain, Egypt did not honor nor recognize the One true God, therefore any child of God would be vulnerable in the devil’s land, without God’s covenant protection. Moses needed to quickly keep covenant! God didn’t need Moses’ apologies, and it wasn’t God who needed repentance , Moses needed to repent for his own sake, Moses needed swift atonement, a severe U-turn.  There are times when God is demanding change and his voice comes in the form of a violent raging storm threatening our very life for our good and for the restoration of our life. Maybe sometimes his mercy looks more like an angel seeking to kill you. How will we respond remembering that repentance, obedience and even the storms of life are not for God’s sake, but for ours!

Submit therefore to God resist the devil and he will flee. How do we submit? When we bend our wills, our hands, our feet  to obey God we are submitting. When we lay down what we want or think is right, we are submitting.  Zipporah submitted to God, not in words or verbal prayers, but in deed and action. James says, “show me your faith without works and I will show you my faith by my works” Zipporah was displaying great faith in God by her act of  keeping covenant.  There are times when a prayer is the right response, there are times when a word is proper etiquette and there is a time when a swift change of direction is necessary.

There are times when you will be a Zipporah in the life of someone you love, doing what God requires because you see and are able. Zipporah saved Moses life. The angel of the Lord was after her husband, not her.  When she made the cut, she threw the blood at Moses feet. It was Moses which needed atonement. Someone else needed to act as a priest in that moment on his behalf. There are other times that you will be a Moses, needing someone else to mediate on your behalf.  When you are a Zipporah, act, when you are a Moses, receive. God has made a man and a woman to help one another. Even though Moses was the Levite from the priestly line it was his wife who mediated.  Her mediation in that moment did not strip Moses of his mission from God it enabled him to finish it.

So what we see as horrible , God seeking to kill his own servant, God knew was necessary, and God’s provocation resulted in life for Moses and freedom for the children of Israel.

God, give us wisdom to discern when we need to act according to your will and requests. Amen

Not my people

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Hosea was instructed by God to marry a prostitute. They had one child together. She was a harlot, had an affair and got pregnant. This second child did not belong to Hosea, it was not his seed. God said to Hosea, “name this child, not my people.”

Like Gomer, Israel was producing children that did not belong to God. How was this happening? Israel was seeking false gods to fill and satisfy their desires. Israel was like God’s beloved bride going after strange men and producing the “fruit” of these illicit relations. Israel was unfaithful. She was joining herself to other nations and being filled with seed which was not God’s seed. Just as God can plant his word in our hearts, the enemy can plant tares in human hearts. Galatians 6 speaks of the fruit of the spirit and the fruit of the flesh. “When we walk according to the Spirit of God we produce his fruit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self -control, but when we walk according to the flesh, the flesh produces impunity, immorality, sensuality, jealousy, anger, disputes, factions, envying drunkenness, and carousing.” was Israel producing the fruit of the flesh and the nations or the fruit of Their deliverer and his spirit?

Israel was turning to false gods, and the people were producing the fruits of the flesh, children who walked according to flesh.  Faithfulness to the one true God, produces offspring that looks like God.    not my people. This word that God proclaimed wasn’t a rejection statement, it was a recognition statement, an observation being made. “Those are not my children” I do not recognize them, they do not bear my resemblance. But then in a strange twist of thought, God says: “yet the sons of Israel will be like the sand of the sea…” wait what? this was a promise verbatim that God made to Abraham, his friend,  an oath he repeats from Genesis 15.

There is a shift, God lets us see that he remembers his covenant with Abraham, and declares that covenant and its consequences, “but in the place where it is said they are not my people it will be said they are the sons of the living God.”, as if he says, and although these offspring are not mine, they will become mine, my children because I will adopt them.

God’s covenant motivates his love and adoption for these illegitimate children who are not of his seed nor bear his resemblance.

Just as Hosea would adopt his wife’s children as his own, God too would adopt the children of Israel that were not of his seed, because of his covenant with Abraham. You see Israel is precious to God because he delivered them and purchased them.  He says to Jeremiah, “If the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night departs from before me, then the offspring of Israel shall cease from being a nation before me. If the heavens can be measured and the foundations of the earth searched out below then i will cast off all the offspring of Israel.” 

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.” Isaiah 49:15

God is a father to the fatherless. In his tenderness  for his beloved and her children, he made the illegitimate ones, sons and daughters, he claimed them as his own through adoption. God remains faithful even when his beloved is not. Ephesians 2:12 “but now in Christ Jesus you who were formerly were far off have been brought nearby God’s blood.” This blood of Christ is evidence of the Father’s faithfulness. And even so, now that the blood can bring Israel back to his side, can it not bring all those who long to be called by his name? Yes it can.

“It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.” Isaiah 49:6

i propose that “not my people” is not a statement of rejection , but a statement of God’s perfect knowledge. His statement “sons of the living God” is a statement of his perfect mercy.

how many Christian churches today have left their first love, produced fruit of the flesh, offspring  which do not belong to nor resemble the One true God of Creation, the Lord of Hosts, the great I AM? How many Christians have converted their minds, but have not born the fruit of the word of God in their hearts? Are they not also unfaithful wives?  Timothy, Jude and Paul all say, in the last days, their will be those who want their ears tickled, deny the power of God , those who embrace a form of godliness, they are like hidden reefs, clouds without water, not loving the truth, and deceived by the world?  If we belong to God we bear the fruit of His spirit, and what we bear should resemble the seed giver.

If we are not his children, there is hope, because the Living God is poised and prepared to adopt with the purchase price of his own blood any who long to call him Father and he will call them sons.

Romans 8:13-16 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. 14For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

 

Hosea 1:1-10

 

 

I know what it’s like

depressionI know what it’s like to feel like you have no purpose, like you don’t count in the world. I know what’s its like to feel like you make no contribution big enough to be truly missed, if something were to happen to you. I know what its like to feel bored with life, to feel flat, agitated with everyone around you, like you want to crawl out of your own skin. Some people want to run into the crowd, I’m usually running away. I know what its like when every day feels the same. I know what’s its like to feel trapped, and afraid that nothing will ever change; to feel unappreciated, unheard, unknown and unseen, and to so desperately just want to feel good, proud, happy and whole; needed and loved; and above all to want to feel valued.  I know what’s its like to want more, but to feel simultaneously there is no possible way to have more and then to feel guilty about it, which leads to hopelessness. I know what hopelessness feels like, no choices.

i know what it feels like to look over your days and see no direction, no progress and wonder what difference am i even making? i know what self pity feels like, what jealousy feels like and envy because that’s what i feel when other people have the things i  can’t. Anger,  yup i know about that, shame, powerlessness, disappointment, and I’m a born again Christian! “Lord“, i pray, ” if I’m yours  and this is how i feel, who the heck would want to be a Christian?” What hope is there for a depressed Christian, for an overwhelmed Christian who simply cannot bear any Christian clichés at the moment. I know what it is to need absolute authentic and meaningful dialogue and encouragement.  Where’s Christ when he doesn’t save you from the things that haunt you into despair,  where is He when i am  intoxicated with  uncertainty?  David Brainerd,  the first missionary to native American Indians said, “i am well aware what Christ has done for me, but i still feel a sort of melancholy.” so I’m not totally alone. “Lord, i know what Christ has done for me, i trust him , and please help me not to hang myself today. please keep me sane because i feel like I’m slipping and i can’t go back to the dark place where nothing adds up or makes sense.  Where can one  go to be saved, when one already is saved?  God save me from myself! Perhaps depression is a  predisposition for greatness keeping  men protected from pride but humble enough to accomplish their destiny. Winston Churchill  might agree.

Why do some people seem to  have such clear direction and others seem to be floating in the middle of the open sea treading water, or in the wilderness without a compass. today i have no compass.

Anyhow , i know how it feels. that’s all. i have no answers,  no glue,  no tool belt right now, i just know how it feels. and i also know it doesn’t always feel this way, but it does today. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, and maybe my whole life is made up of a series of dark nights and bright mornings.  but they don’t obey the laws of nature. Sometimes all my dark nights come in a row. maybe the direction i need most … well maybe i just haven’t found it yet, it doesn’t mean i never will, maybe just not today, or  maybe i need to get lost in the desert every once in a while to remember what really matters.  Maybe God lets me get lost so that i can find my way out just by following his voice.

 

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