A word of advice to husbands… be exclusive!

There are appropriate times for group invites, open requests and sweeping offers. Addressing your wife is not one of them. She, by all means, deserves a private exclusive invite, to anything and for everything, big, small and everything in between including those moments you don’t think matter, especially those moments. Always make it personal, as if she is the only one in the room and she will blossom. She has become your ‘one and only’, so that she can have the privileges of a, ‘one and only’. When you set her apart from others, it is a sacred feeling that she will carry with her all day.
Trust me, you don’t have to please everyone, and at the end of the day – there is only one person who you really want to be happy. Everyone else goes home.
A woman knows when a man is truly in love, he doesn’t grab a microphone at a local bar, “hey I got a ring up here if anyone’s single…” – rather, he singles out the one he loves.
Women appreciate intimate requests that resonate more than a job opening on craigslist. “Does anyone want to join me on the patio, there’s one seat available?” This actually happened to me, and I was furious…anyone? ANYONE! Anyone, doesn’t convince me that he wants to be with ME exclusively.
If he had proposed that way I would have said, “No”! I’m too narcissistic for a man like that.
I want to believe he means well, but even so how often he makes me feel like one of the crowd, ‘anyone who might be interested?’ I wonder if he knows how different a response he would receive if his invites to me were exclusive instead of like an altar call on Sunday morning.
It makes me think of him as an 18 year old, single guy, going for a beer run on a Saturday night. “Anyone need a refill?” When do I get to be the only person he sees in the room? Or is that time past?
It’s like he’s sailing past, looking for some company, and calling out to the masses of people lining the shore … “anyone up for a ride…” I picture myself falling over rocks and people and my pride to get into his boat, only to be beat to the punch line by some little blonde. He shrugs his shoulders as he helps her in…”looking at me standing there in a puddle of shame. “Sorry honey, first come first serve.” Or even worse, hey there’s room for everyone.” that doesn’t exactly make me feel distinct. I know he’s kind and all inclusive. He doesn’t want to leave anyone out or make anyone feel bad, but he’s making me feel bad, and when you’re married I think it’s OK to be exclusive. Is that selfish?
I don’t want to feel like I’m just an indistinct member of the household. I’m not inspired or motivated by that connection. I’m not one of the kids and this isn’t match.com. I am not willing to share. That type of dating would never work for me, I need an undivided mate. I need to be picked out of the crowd and wooed, yes, that’s how much I value myself and want to be valued. Being one of many, doesn’t make my heart feel engaged or my soul feel wanted deeply, intimately and uniquely. I don’t want to be group messaged. I want to hear my doorbell ring.
We are married, therefore, I expect privileges and special treatment. When you marry someone usually the spoken message is “hey world, I like you, but you’re not as important now as my wife, whom I have chosen to share my secret self with.” Isn’t that what vows are all about. I assume or at least desperately want a private invite, I want the first and only place on his “to do list”. I want the personalized- say my name-look me in the eye and make your request for my companionship- position.
I want to be recruited with a particular phone call, not a random finger point from some generic phone book or alphabetical list. I want him to picture my face and my name and my voice. I need to know he wants ME and asks ME to meet his need, then I will feel wanted, loved, seen and in turn make him very happy.
To everyone in the world I am a number, a face in the multitude, a no name but here… here in my home with the man who swore to love me best and biggest and most I want to be the Queen Bee.
Please give your wife the respect that proves to her, she is somebody special, unique, wanted, known – looked in the eye, worth saving information for, worth a private bidding, a secret letter and a reserved conversation. Show her that no one could replace her, because to most everyone else she is replaceable. When you do this, she will become exceptionally rare, showing only you, why you chose only her.

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